在『業務檢討』會議中，長官經過一長串地痛心致詞之後，希望會中同仁能夠有話直說、踴躍發言。
就在一片寂靜，要上不下的尷尬氣氛中，突然一股吼聲蹦出來。有一位主管激動地起立致詞，
他說：「我們業績搞不好的原因，主要有三個：
第一，是沒後臺，就像寡婦睡覺，上面沒人。
第二，是政策多又變得快，像妓女睡覺，上面老在換人。
第三，是內部不團結，就像和老婆睡覺，自己人老搞自己人……」
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Early Dismissal
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.
All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today"
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?
All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today"
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?
Hot Dogs
Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "But if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yell "Get your dogs here" and they both walk towards the hot dog cart.
"Two dogs, please! ," says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over.Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously:
"What part did you get"?
"Odd," her companion replies, "But if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yell "Get your dogs here" and they both walk towards the hot dog cart.
"Two dogs, please! ," says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over.Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously:
"What part did you get"?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Headache
A man was suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief.After trying all the usual cures he was referred to a headachespecialist by his family doctor.
The specialist asked him what his symptoms were and he replied, 'I get these blinding headaches kind of like a knife across my scalp and....' He was interrupted.
'And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?' 'Yes! Exactly!
How did you know?' 'Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, but I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles.
This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. Whenshe came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength andthe pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every dayfor two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.'
Two weeks went by and the man came back. 'Well, how do you feel?' the doctor asked.
'Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had aheadache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And,by the way....nice house!'
The specialist asked him what his symptoms were and he replied, 'I get these blinding headaches kind of like a knife across my scalp and....' He was interrupted.
'And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?' 'Yes! Exactly!
How did you know?' 'Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, but I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles.
This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. Whenshe came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength andthe pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every dayfor two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.'
Two weeks went by and the man came back. 'Well, how do you feel?' the doctor asked.
'Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had aheadache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And,by the way....nice house!'
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Just Married
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked
"What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said.
"Let me guess...
Smallcox?"
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked
"What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said.
"Let me guess...
Smallcox?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)