Ad for hiring "Fool Proof Test Engineer"

 Advertisement for “Fool proof test Engineer”

Immediate Position Urgent needed by a World Lumber One Stupid Company

Nature of the engineer;

basically he must be a “Fool”

Sex:

3 times a week Min, , gay and lesbian basically not considered to be a fool, will be considered too

Academic Background
Preferably to be a phD holder (Pig head Dummy), experiences is helpful but not important

Hour hours

5 days a week

13 months salary a year

Salary:

Good enough for a fool

Job nature:

Test and debug our automation machine to be “Fool Proof” product before shipment

Promotion Path

With 2 years exceptional performance will be promoted to “Idiot Proof engineers”

If you think you are already an Idiot, you can apply directly to “Idiot Poof test Engineer.”

HK Watch Fever
HK Snob

Your WIFI

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

"I am so sorry Dan.  I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.  I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around.  In fact, more than you.  I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse.  I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun and, without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

"Damn autocorrect.  I meant "WIFI", not "wife"."

Joss Stick and iPhone

Yesterday I went to buy some joss stick and joss paper to pray for my ancestors.

The Shop Keeper asked me if I want to buy paper iPhone to be burnt for my ancestor, I said they know how to use or not. He said Steve Jobs already there, can teach them to use.

I said OK, he asked me how about the casing, I said OK, next he said do I need an iPad?

I said might be needed too, then he said how about charger? I said do they need charger? He said of course, after battery is flat how to use the iPhone and iPad. So I bought the chargers also.

Then I asked for his name card. He said why I need his name card?

I said I would have to burn it for my ancestor for warranty claim, they will contact you directly!

HK Snob

Name Card

Only you are Cantonese would laugh to death.

HK Snob

Scoreboard

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station.


The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn’t even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife. No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. “I couldn’t do that,” he whispered. “Your husband is my best friend!”

“Listen, sugar,” she whispered back, “there ain’t nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now.” “I can’t believe that,” Charlie said. “Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he’ll wake up won’t he? “Sugar, he certainly won’t. If you don’t believe me, pluck a hair out of his asshole and see if that wakes him.”

Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife’s side of the bed and fucked her.

When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn’t long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband’s asshole hairs.

The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: “Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don’t mind you fucking my wife, but for Pete’s sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!”

After Sales Service

A Hooker was questioned by policeman why she was having Prostitution with man in Hotel, that was a serious offence in the Hong Kong.

The hooker said that she was not prostitute, she was just selling Condom, thought she said that she was a bit making a bit expensive for the Condom at HKD$1,500!

The Policeman said that why then you are making love with the man in the bed!?

She said, she was just doing an After Sales Service… to his client how perfect her product was!

HK Snob

Golfer's accident

One day a golfer accidentally overturned his buggy.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa  on the golf course, heard the noise and called out,
"Are you okay, what's your name?"
"It's John, and I'm OK thanks," he replied.

"John forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the buggy up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," John answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty and persuasive.

"Well okay," John finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, and some driving and putting lessons, John thanked his hostess.
"I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile , "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Under the buggy!" he explained.

Ng Kam Chiu and Ng Shum Chiu

Today I took taxi to send my CEO to Airport… I saw this Picture of Driver Ng Kam Chiu, he really did not look back the back Mirror to me and I am… sure he is the real Ng Kam Chiu...
What if Ng Kam Chiu married Ng Shum Chiu….?
One dare not look at other and One Can not bear who looks at her… Well, they are perfect couple…that they can stay peacefully forever…
Make you have a laugh today…
HK Snob

Two Recent found nice jokes

I got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.


********************************

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there."

An Old Jewish man

An Old Jewish man walking down the street one afternoon sees a woman with perfect firm breasts

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?" 

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and walks away.   

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. 

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" 

So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again. 

"Would you l et me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000?!" 

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmm, $10,000... Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there." 

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fond ling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them. 

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you going to bite them or not?'

"Nah," says the little old Jewish man... "Costs too High!"

Good Wife

Good 'ole wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to
Her Bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She was turned mad!

She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink and relax.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them
Stay in our bedroom. Hope you said Hello to them!"

Final Destination

When I checked in at Manila Airport for departure for Hong Kong

Philippine Airlines Check in Count beautiful lady asked me” what is your final Destination?”

I said, ”Heaven!”

HK Snob

Old man thinks fast

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Some old men can still think fast.

China News Agency Photographer

His request approved, the China News Agency photographer
quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport
to charter a flight.

He was told a Single Propeller engine plane would be waiting
for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming
up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door
shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind
and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the
pilot, 'Fly over the Ningbo Bullet Train scene and make low
passes so I can take pictures of the crashes of the two trains

'Why?' asked the pilot..

'Because I'm a photographer for China News Agency' ,
he responded, 'and I need to get
some close up shots ASAP.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me,
is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor!?

Ningbo Snob

How To understand Woman

A Man asked the God, can you build a bridge linking up California to Beijing!?
The God said, well that is very difficult and I can not promise this. Can I help you on the next request!? So the man asked again, Can you help me to understand woman?
God said, how many lanes you want for the bridge, two or four?
HK Snob

Government Job

Ah Beng goes to the City headquarters to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink Coffee."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was with the 6th Regimen for 20 years".
The interviewer says, "That will give you 7 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay!
You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:30 pm.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:30 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Cartier Shop

A lady walks into Cartier. .. she looked around, spotted a beautiful diamond bracelet and walked over to inspect it... As she bent over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farted... Very embarrassed, she looked around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prayed that a sales person was not anywhere near... As she turned around, her worst nightmare came in as there was a salesman standing right behind her... Tall, handsome as well cool as a cucumber, he displayed all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Cartier... He politely greeted the lady with, 'good day, madam .. how may we help you today? Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asked, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet ?' He answered, "madam .. if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price .."

Do you believe Genies?

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied."Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.""Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!""And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants," she said."Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?""Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"You know I love you, sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about four hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked: "How old are you and your husband?""Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?"

Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out"- both were very faithful, loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home-they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them...luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it...so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home.
The following day, one of the women's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over. He phoned the other husband, and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"...

"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck in the crack of her butt that read:

"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"!

HK Snob

Password

An attractive Computer Consultant Maggie was trying to assist the Production Manager for accessment on his computers system…
Maggie asked what his Password is. Peter, the Manager grinned as he had had a plan to make a hoax to Maggie by telling her his Password is “PENIS”

Maggie entered the computer professionally without and further hesitation.

However the computer prompted up an error message” Rejected, Not Long Enough”
HK Snob