Management Lesson

John wanted to have sex with a girl in his office but she belonged to someone else...
One day John got so frustrated thatch went up to her and said, " I 'll give you $100 if you ket me screw you". But the girl said No.

Jonathan said , "I'll will be fast. I 'will throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend...So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, " Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. HAlf an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happen?

She responded, "the bastard used coins!"

Management lesson: always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

Next time when the Hotel Bill is too high...

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Phoenix to NYC. After nearly twenty hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep Just for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the front desk clerk hands them a bill for $450.
The man is hysterical annoyed and demand to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $450. When the clerk tells him $450 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the Hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows the hotel is famous.
"The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a travelling cheque and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised. "But sir," he says, this cheque is only made out for $100."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $350 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies." She was here and you could have."

Poor Village Girl

Once there was a slim, beautiful but poor village girl who accidentally dropped her Silver neck lace into river and then she cried loud for help!

Her tears had moved he angel and the Angel appeared and asked her why she cried, she told the Angel so. And The Angel put her hand into the river and pulled up a diamond necklace and asked if that is the one.
The poor Village girl said “No!”
The Angel put her hand and fetched up a gold necklace and asked he again, “is this yours?”
The Village girl said “No!”
The last trial, the Angel took the on she lost into the water a said,” Well, this is yours?”
The Village girl said “Yes, this is it!"
The Angel said, “ Oh, you are so kind and honest I would like to give you all three Diamond, gold and your silver necklace…at same time!”
The Village girl took them away happily went home.
After some time the Village girl was force to marry with an fat ugly man in the village by her greedy Parent’s.
And One day when they walked in the bank of the river, her husband slipped in to the river, and the tender hearted village cried again loud and woke the Angel.
The Angel flied and appeared in front f her,’ Hey, you again., what do you lose this time?”
She said , “My husband!” while worrying that her husband would get drowned soon!
The Angelo said,” OK I will find for you…”
After a while, the Angel fetched a Handsome strong man with the face of Michelangelo!!
All the sudden the Village girl said. “ Yes, this is my husband!”
The Angel hesitated, stopped and asked solemnly, “Well , really this is your husband?
Are you telling me lies!?”
The Village Girl cried even loudly and said. “No. this is not my hunband but as what you did last time, If later you find my ugly husband , and I said he is my husband, you would give me three as for my husbands, I am afraid I will be making love to death by three men!!

HK Snob

Good Night Kiss

One night a guy took his girlfriend to drop at her home.
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"....
"No, no. I just can' t"
"I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she said, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours.... "TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL....!!

Golf Story

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa".
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy. And good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side... Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of
going home at the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day. You'll never believe what happened to me... this morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!

He has no arms and no legs

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no Legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?

'The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?

'The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f#cked?

'The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.'

She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'